Abridged report Jan 14

Half a mile from Torbryan and it started to rain quite heavily. As I turned right for the final approach to the church and Inn, I noticed a rapidly fading flour mark on the roadside. It was 6.55 pm and already there were few parking places to be found in The Church House Inn's (smaller even than the Wild Goose!) tiny car park.

The rain began to drum on my car roof and I had to work the windscreen wipers every ten seconds or so to see who was arriving. As a 'do my fair share' hare, my thoughts were with Archangel and Poacher...our hares for the night. Just at that moment Poacher ran up and said to Archangel: "Have you laid the first long?" Archangel's look told Poacher all, and Poach immediately turned and ran off down the road....

Considering the weather, the circle was well attended, added to by three guests (all non paying, if you're listening out there!) and of course many more who would only 'miraculously' appear at the bar.

Pleasantries duly dispensed, the pack got under way and it was a 'game of two halves' as at the first junction the Long/Short split occurred.

Now with no McWot to bend my ear, so to speak, I thought I would play the white man (for a change) and potter along for half a mile or so....BUT.....somehow I got nattering to Birdseye (yes, you will be my manager when I hit 'em hard, very soon now..) and Bobbiball. Before I knew it, I was at the 'make your mind up' crossroads one and a quarter miles from Torbryan!

It was 'ere 'Arry that I made my fatal error of the evening.....I asked POACHER if it was quicker to turn back or continue with the shorts.....WHATAMISTAKATOMAKA! Poacher rasped: "Go short! Keep together!" And I listened to him! I MUST BE A GRADE 'A' PILLOCK!

The shorts had fragmented and gaps were opening up......I ended up running with Numbnuts and Miss Whiplash. Miss Whiplash was injured slipping on the treacherous muddy wood section and I tried to cheer her (and Numbnuts) up with a few theme tunes from TV shows....though the only one they knew was 'Rawhide' ....'Keep movin' movin' movin' though they're disapprovin' - keep them dawgies movin' Rawhide.... DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND 'EM - JUST ROPE....' now look what you've done.... They had NEVER heard the theme tune to WHIPLASH!* or PALADIN (Have Gun Will Travel) or many others I tried, I can't be that old, can I?

We (me actually) had a bad moment when we entered Broadhempston en route to Ipplepen and I envisaged another 3 miles of running, but there on our left was the footpath over the fields to the pub!! Hoorah, hoorah! I recognised it and sped off across the fields shouting: "I know where I am now!" Sixty seconds later, I ran straight into an impenetrable hedge....derrrrrrr. Anti Social had appeared from nowhere plying his trade (making it up as he went). We stumbled and slid across the final few fields, the silence being punctuated by me calling out (every 30 seconds) "I'm not enjoying it!"

Just below the final brow the welcoming glow of the Church House Inn's lights could be discerned and we staggered through the final gate to be confronted by Pottsie. "You've been gone well over an hour, a man like you Campbell...what happened?"

But I'll tell you what, boys and girls, by the time I had got out of my sodden and mud spattered cycle suit and settled at the bar with my well earned pint of Betty Stoggs with a dash....my entire perception of what had gone before had changed.

I had had a blinding evening, a great run and had enjoyed every moment of it! But if you had asked me at any point of the run, I would have said I hated it!

Poacher arrived at the bar much, much, much later. He was freezing cold and quite plainly exhausted. How many times he had gone round the trail is anybody's guess, but I for one, take my yellow cap off to him and Archangel for their efforts, Sunday and Monday. True hashers both.
* Theme tune to follow
(different version will be printed in next month's Bugle to avoid disappointment!)